Taking the Leap to Having a 3rd Baby
They said we had the perfect family. One girl, and one boy, what more could we want. In truth, I believed that to some extent. I was never one of those people who craved having “one of each”. If I’m really honest, I always saw myself as a boy mom. Having a daughter and navigating that relationship, particularly into the later years, seemed complicated. Having only boys always seemed like it would be so much simpler, plus I’m not much of a girly-girl. Thankfully we wound up with the coolest little girl on the planet, and I cannot wait to watch her grow up.
Before we had kids, Alex and I thought that 4 kids was the perfect number. Then we had one. Pregnancy was harder and less glamorous than I expected. I rode a wave of nausea that lasted well into my 2nd trimester and never quite felt that “pregnant glow” that everyone seems to talk about. E wasn’t a hard baby - she wasn’t colicky, she didn’t have reflux or food allergies, she was loving and sweet and such a joy- but stepping into parenthood was harder than I expected. We decided pretty quickly that taking the whole adding kids thing one-at-a time was the way to go. We would know when we reached our limit.
Deciding on having a 2nd baby was easy. We both grew up with siblings and knew that we wanted that for sweet E. I was hopeful that every pregnancy is different, but was plagued by the same nausea into my 2nd trimester. A was a harder baby. He had reflux, and cried A LOT (particularly in the nighttime hours). Once we made it through all of that, he was such a joy. We had another loving, sensitive kiddo on our hands.
When our “A” was about 18 months old I was sure I wanted another baby. Something about not having a baby in the house was sad to me, but I also had this nagging feeling that our family just wasn’t complete. My husband told me that we couldn’t just get pregnant every time our baby crossed over into toddlerhood. I’m pretty sure he saw a future full of kids born 2.5 years apart with no end in sight. He finally admitted to me (after months of discussing having a 3rd), that he would celebrate if I got pregnant, but that was as far as he could get. He was stuck on the fence and couldn’t quite make the leap to the 3-baby side. I took that and ran with it, and before we knew it I was deep in the throws of morning sickness again, wondering why I would knowingly put myself through it all again.
An interesting thing about making the leap to 3, the comments about your pregnancy change drastically. One kid is expected and celebrated in a big way from the time you announce your pregnancy. Everyone is offering their congratulations, you have more offers for baby showers than you need/want and post-birth meals, visits, and gifts seem endless. Baby #2 seems to be expected as well. Still very much celebrated, just maybe a little more low-key. Now with Baby #3, you start to get comments. People make faces, ask inappropriate questions, and seem generally judgy. Yes, I know how it happens; yes, we actually tried to get pregnant a 3rd time; no, this baby was not an “oops”; yes, we realize that now we’ll be outnumbered; no, we’re not crazy; yes, we’ll be able to handle it. The big exception to that rule is anyone else who has decided to have more than 2 kids. They are so excited to have another family join their ranks that it simultaneously comforts and terrifies you about your decision.
Now safely on the other side, I can say without a doubt that our family was not complete without “L”. And for those of you wondering, I can also safely say that our family is officially complete. That uncertain feeling I had after “A” about whether or not to add another #tinywagner to the mix is completely gone, and while I’m sad about the thought of not having a baby in the house, I’m also excited about watching these three little crazies grow up and love on each other.
*** the photos in this post were taken by the very talented Hannah Key with The Freckled Key Photography.