Dear Pregnant Mama,

This post was inspired by someone dear to me, but I think that it will help other mamas in the same position.  My hope is that it serves as a reminder that while things are hard right now, it is temporary and it’s ok to accept help.

Dear Pregnant Mama,

I know it’s hard to grow a human.  I’ve been there.  Three times. 

I know the feelings associated; joy, excitement, wonder, pride, worry, guilt, exhaustion, nausea, pain. 

I know your days were full before this pregnancy, and nothing has changed since.

I know your body is screaming at you to rest, but your head is telling you there are still things to do.  The baby’s room is not done, dinner is not made, there is a mountain of laundry waiting to be tackled, the kitchen is a mess, and maybe there is even a child (or 2 or 3) that needs to be cared for. 

Hear this.  If you feel tired, it’s your body saying, “Slow down and rest.”  If you’re in pain, it’s your body saying, “Kick your feet up for a little bit.”  If your husband comes home early from work, he’s silently telling you that he’s here to help and to take over anything you’re willing to give up control on. If a friend or family member asks if they can wrangle the kids for you or bring you dinner, they’re letting you know that they’re there for you and that it’s ok to lean on them.

When you’re used to doing it all yourself it’s easy to forget that you are surrounded by people who can do it for you, people who love you.  People who want nothing more than for you to rest every possible second (because they know you need it) and to let everything else fall away.

The laundry may sit in a clean, unfolded pile longer than usual.  The house may look a little messier than you’re used to.  The floors may not be mopped on your usual schedule and the vacuum may get the longest rest of its life.  The kids may eat pizza or cereal or sandwiches more than you care to admit.  The amazing thing is that life will go on and everyone will be completely fine on the other side.

Arguably, the better care you take of yourself during this time, the better it is for your whole family.  Allowing yourself grace to let things go un-done, or accept help that is offered will allow you to get the rest you need to be the best mom, wife, friend you can be right now.

I know, oh how I know, how hard it is to allow other people to help.  I know it’s hard to know that it won’t be done the way you would do it.  I know that you have guilt about adding to other's loads.

I know that if you’re already raising a child outside the womb that you’re getting a steady stream of messages about what you should be doing.  The experts can make you feel like if you don’t follow their suggestions every minute of every day you are a failure and your child will end up telling stories about you in therapy one day. The truth is that they will tell stories about you in therapy anyway, so do the best you can without killing yourself and don’t feel guilty about taking this short period in their lives to care for yourself and the baby you are growing first, and them second.

Right now you have an important job that you’re doing, and it’s important that you prioritize it both for you and for the baby that you’re carrying.  Listen to your body and put your feet up every minute that you can.  And, no that does not just mean when your older child (or children) is asleep.  That means extra screen time and independent play, it means empowering them to get their own snacks, even if it’s not the perfectly balanced one you had in mind.  It also means adding to your spouse’s load and letting them take care of everything after they walk in the door.  Yes, they’ve been working all day, but so have you and right now you need them to do this for you (as much as you don’t want to admit it).

The truth is accepting the help from your spouse will be so good for you and for your marriage.  It will show him that you trust him, that you know he’s capable, and that you know he will always take care of you in your times of need. It will also show him how hard it is to care for small children, and serve as a reminder of what you take on day in and day out.  It will remind you of all the reasons that you married this person, and remind you that he is capable of doing it all regardless of the number of days you feel like he’s just another kid around the house. 

And your kids?  How nice for them to be able to rely more heavily on Daddy, especially when you will be deep in the throws of mothering a newborn before you know it.  They will form a special bond with him that will carry them through those harder early days with a new baby.  I know that's hard to think about.  They depend on you and look to you first for so many things, but it’s a good thing.  You will always be their mom, and they won’t always favor your spouse.  It’s a cycle, they adjust to different seasons and right now you need them to go to him first.

Through it all, remember that this is such a short time in your life, just one season of many.  You feel like you’re not being the best mom, wife, or friend. You feel like a failure because you can’t do it all and do it all well.  You’re not a failure, you’re human and you’re doing the hardest job on this planet.  Growing a whole human from 2 tiny cells is not easy, and it’s not supposed to be.  But it’s temporary.  In a few short months you will be holding a whole new life in your arms and you’ll forget all about the things you didn’t do while they were growing inside of you.  I promise.

You’re doing a great job.  You’re a great mom already.  You take care of everyone’s needs, but don’t forget to take care of your own - especially now.

You are so incredibly loved.

*** the photos in this post were taken by the very talented Hannah Key with The Freckled Key Photography.