Room Sharing
My husband and I love our little house. If our year in Seattle in our awkwardly laid out tiny house taught us anything, it’s that the Texas view of bigger is better does not ring true for us and our home. Less to clean, less to maintain and more money in our pockets to really enjoy life are just a few of the things we love about this house. And let’s be real, while considered “small” among the homes in surrounding neighborhoods, it is really not small at all. It’s literally twice the size of our Seattle home and only offers one additional bedroom.
One of the things that comes with our smaller home is that the kids share rooms. E and A started sharing just before A turned two. We were planning on growing our family, so we knew the transition would have to be made eventually, and E really wanted her brother to sleep in her room. Now that E is almost 7 and L is almost 2, we’ve transitioned the boys to the same room. After navigating this twice I thought I’d write up a few tips and tricks.
Set clear and realistic expectations
For everyone. This includes you. This is a transition, and as with all transitions it will take time for things to settle down, but that’s ok and that’s normal. The first step we took was setting our expectations with A. We told him he was going to be the big brother in the room, and that he needed to help L learn the rules. We told him we expected him to stay in the room, and stay quiet until the clock turned green in the morning. We also warned him that L would make this hard because he was going to be excited to be in the same room as him.
Next was getting my mindset right. We had a good thing going when it came to sleep in this house, and I was about to upset the balance and set it off kilter for a few weeks. Reminding myself that the boys would learn how to navigate sharing a room and that our good sleep would return eventually was important.
Teach them how to meet those expectations
Sure, it’s easy to set the expectation, but we’re dealing with a 21 month old who’s over the moon excited to have his brother in the same room. For the first week as soon as I heard them stirring (WAY before wake up time), I would quietly go into their room and lie down setting the tone for what I expected from them. When the clock turned green I made a big deal about it and we all got up together. L didn’t have any experience with a clock, so he needed to be taught. A is 4, so it’s a little unrealistic to expect him to keep quiet when his little brother is shouting his name for an hour.
Let the natural consequences teach them the rest
It’s not very fun to be stuck in a room with a screaming toddler because you woke him up a little too early in the morning or didn’t let him settle at bedtime. Having frank conversations with A after a rough night for him was essential to our success. He is motivated to do what is expected because it is unpleasant for him when he strays from that.
Don’t be afraid to change things up at nap time
Nap time is always more challenging than nighttime. We are often trying to squeeze naps into a set time because of school schedules, and L needs more sleep during nap than A does, so we opt to separate them during this time. A sleeps in our bed for naps. This is the same thing we did when E and A started sharing a room (E napped in our room). We were eventually able to let them nap in the same room, but we will just play that by ear with the boys.
Adjust where needed
L needs more sleep because he’s younger. Sometimes we put him to bed and keep A up a little later so that L is asleep when A gets into bed. If we’re putting them both down at the same time, we do it earlier so that they have some time to wind down and still be asleep at about the same time. Overtired kids are such a drag to hang out with, so I constantly adjust bedtime and nap time as needed so that everyone gets the rest that their little bodies need.
Don’t forget rewards
Rewards are an integral part to success in the sleep department at our house. Do what is expected of you at night, and you earn your morning TV show. Same goes for nap and afternoon TV. Sometimes we also do a treat (a small piece of candy, etc) if we’re going through a rough stage with someones sleep habits and we need a little extra incentive. My biggest tip to making rewards really work is to make it attainable for them in the beginning. If your kid is throwing a dance party every night and visiting your 50+ times requesting everything under the sun and then waking you up way before you’d like, it’s not realistic for them to be perfect to earn their reward. Start small and work your way up to your ideal scenario. Tasting success makes them want to be successful. If you make it unattainable, they lose hope that they will ever earn the reward and they stop trying.
It’s been over a month since the boys transitioned into the same room and we’ve settled into the new normal. I want to be clear, it’s not perfect, but overall they are doing great and the sweet little bond that they’ve developed is priceless.
E is enjoying having her own room, but she misses having A around so she invites him for sleepovers from time to time. They’re actually having one as I type this.