What It's Like to Raise 3 Littles
I recently sat down with a close friend and we confided in each other about how hard having 3 kids can be sometimes. Specifically, how hard it is right now. Both of our babies, though totally different ages, are suddenly unable to be contained. We also are both entering a fun phase where the kid we've always been able to depend on to listen and help is suddenly doing the opposite.
She told me she feels like a new mom all over again, and that she's suddenly completely overwhelmed. A lot of days, I feel the exact same way.
Parenting is hard. Just when you've got one phase figured out with your child, they enter into a new one. When you have 3 kiddos the number of phases and transitions that you have to navigate seems to grow exponentially.
With 3 kids it feels like they are perpetually tagging each other in to be the difficult one. It is a rare day to have all three at their best for more than a moment. There's always someone who's not sleeping well, someone who's whiney or clingy ALL. DAY. LONG, someone who has decided to replace their sweet selves with their not-so-sweet alter ego.
Then there's the control that you lose. With one kid it's relatively easy to establish and stick to routines, monitor everything they're watching and doing, feed them all the healthy things and none of the junk, and constantly be there with educational activities that nurture their development. All this while staying relatively on top of your game when it comes to house work and life outside of motherhood. With two it is still very possible, though it all requires more planning and forethought. With three it's just downright impossible. Or maybe it is possible, but you will probably be a ball of stress and anxiety trying to control it all while never leaving your house or seeing people from the outside world.
With three you have to adjust constantly. You have to be able to give up control to some things completely, and learn to adjust your expectations on things that are really important to you.
I very rarely ever woke my first born up when she was sleeping. I NEVER woke her up twice in one week. My third born gets woken up from at least one nap EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. As someone who makes sleep a top priority for my littles this used to eat away at me. I know how important sleep is. I know that kiddos need to get enough good quality sleep if we want them to develop and grow and learn and flourish to their fullest potential. Plus, they can be complete monsters when they haven't had enough of those precious Z's and I'm not all about making that a regular thing. Everyone has heard the phrase "never wake a sleeping baby" and here I am doing it over and over and over again.
But that's the thing about having three kids. You can't have the same expectations (for them, or yourself) as you had with the first, or even the second. You have to bend if you don't want to break.
So yes, I wake my sweet "L" up every day from at least one nap, sometimes both of his naps (gasp!). I sacrifice his daytime sleep so that I can pick up my other kids from school, or watch them score a goal at their soccer game, or do something spontaneous and fun, or just to meet up for a park playdate because I need to see a friendly adult face and talk about how hard this parenting thing can be. And you know what? He's perfectly fine, and so am I. He gets his required sleep in, it's just not in the way I would prefer, not the same way that "E" and "A" did.
A stranger the other day told me that they had 5 kids. When I looked at them in awe, they laughed and said that after three it's easy to add more. You have to give up so much control when you have your third that it's just adding another body to the chaos after that. As soon as the words came out of their mouth, I started nodding because I could see the truth in it.
In the words of Jim Gaffigan: "You know what it's like having a fourth kid? Imagine you're drowning, then someone hands you a baby."
You know what, I wouldn't change a single thing about it. Sure, sometimes I spend time alone with my oldest and think about how easy life would be if she was an only child, but the truth is that when I imaging our family in 5 years, or 10 years or 20 I cannot imagine only having one child. All of this hard work, all of the sacrifices, all of the days when I feel like I'm drowning are totally and completely worth it because one day it won't be so hard.
So to all of my fellow mammas (and daddies) of three or more; I know that it's hard, and sometimes you feel like you are drowning, but you're not alone. It will get better, and then it will probably get worse, and then it will get better again, but that's kind of how this whole parenting thing goes.
And to those of you who feel overwhelmed with one or two, well that's normal too. Parenthood has it's challenges at every single stage.
*** the photos in this post were taken by the very talented Hannah Key with The Freckled Key Photography.