Room Sharing

My husband and I love our little house. If our year in Seattle in our awkwardly laid out tiny house taught us anything, it’s that the Texas view of bigger is better does not ring true for us and our home. Less to clean, less to maintain and more money in our pockets to really enjoy life are just a few of the things we love about this house. And let’s be real, while considered “small” among the homes in surrounding neighborhoods, it is really not small at all. It’s literally twice the size of our Seattle home and only offers one additional bedroom.

One of the things that comes with our smaller home is that the kids share rooms. E and A started sharing just before A turned two. We were planning on growing our family, so we knew the transition would have to be made eventually, and E really wanted her brother to sleep in her room. Now that E is almost 7 and L is almost 2, we’ve transitioned the boys to the same room. After navigating this twice I thought I’d write up a few tips and tricks.

Set clear and realistic expectations

For everyone. This includes you. This is a transition, and as with all transitions it will take time for things to settle down, but that’s ok and that’s normal. The first step we took was setting our expectations with A. We told him he was going to be the big brother in the room, and that he needed to help L learn the rules. We told him we expected him to stay in the room, and stay quiet until the clock turned green in the morning. We also warned him that L would make this hard because he was going to be excited to be in the same room as him.

Next was getting my mindset right. We had a good thing going when it came to sleep in this house, and I was about to upset the balance and set it off kilter for a few weeks. Reminding myself that the boys would learn how to navigate sharing a room and that our good sleep would return eventually was important.

Teach them how to meet those expectations

Sure, it’s easy to set the expectation, but we’re dealing with a 21 month old who’s over the moon excited to have his brother in the same room. For the first week as soon as I heard them stirring (WAY before wake up time), I would quietly go into their room and lie down setting the tone for what I expected from them. When the clock turned green I made a big deal about it and we all got up together. L didn’t have any experience with a clock, so he needed to be taught. A is 4, so it’s a little unrealistic to expect him to keep quiet when his little brother is shouting his name for an hour.

Let the natural consequences teach them the rest

It’s not very fun to be stuck in a room with a screaming toddler because you woke him up a little too early in the morning or didn’t let him settle at bedtime. Having frank conversations with A after a rough night for him was essential to our success. He is motivated to do what is expected because it is unpleasant for him when he strays from that.

Don’t be afraid to change things up at nap time

Nap time is always more challenging than nighttime. We are often trying to squeeze naps into a set time because of school schedules, and L needs more sleep during nap than A does, so we opt to separate them during this time. A sleeps in our bed for naps. This is the same thing we did when E and A started sharing a room (E napped in our room). We were eventually able to let them nap in the same room, but we will just play that by ear with the boys.

Adjust where needed

L needs more sleep because he’s younger. Sometimes we put him to bed and keep A up a little later so that L is asleep when A gets into bed. If we’re putting them both down at the same time, we do it earlier so that they have some time to wind down and still be asleep at about the same time. Overtired kids are such a drag to hang out with, so I constantly adjust bedtime and nap time as needed so that everyone gets the rest that their little bodies need.

Don’t forget rewards

Rewards are an integral part to success in the sleep department at our house. Do what is expected of you at night, and you earn your morning TV show. Same goes for nap and afternoon TV. Sometimes we also do a treat (a small piece of candy, etc) if we’re going through a rough stage with someones sleep habits and we need a little extra incentive. My biggest tip to making rewards really work is to make it attainable for them in the beginning. If your kid is throwing a dance party every night and visiting your 50+ times requesting everything under the sun and then waking you up way before you’d like, it’s not realistic for them to be perfect to earn their reward. Start small and work your way up to your ideal scenario. Tasting success makes them want to be successful. If you make it unattainable, they lose hope that they will ever earn the reward and they stop trying.

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It’s been over a month since the boys transitioned into the same room and we’ve settled into the new normal. I want to be clear, it’s not perfect, but overall they are doing great and the sweet little bond that they’ve developed is priceless.

E is enjoying having her own room, but she misses having A around so she invites him for sleepovers from time to time. They’re actually having one as I type this.

Keeping it Minimal During the Season of Excess

I love this time of year, the magic of Christmas as viewed through my children’s eyes, the traditions, the togetherness, and the Christmas lights all around. One thing I’m not so crazy about - the influx of STUFF.

My husband and I are on the same page when it comes to stuff. The more cluttered our house gets, the more cluttered my brain gets, and if things are out of place it drives my husband crazy. With three kids, just the every day influx of stuff can get overwhelming, not to mention birthdays. Christmas is next-level crazy as far as potential stuff goes.

We are really lucky to have a lot of family nearby who find joy in giving to our kids. They all know that space is limited in our house, and we try to keep the toys to a minimum. For some family members it means that they ask what we want/need for the kids and get that and only that, for others who find tremendous joy in giving it means that some of their gifts have short lives inside of our home.

If you are currently starting at overstuffed toy spaces thinking “where am I going to put all the new STUFF?” then maybe sharing what we do can help.

Step 1: The Pre-Christmas Purge

We do toy purges pretty regularly around here. Most of our toys live in storage (my closet), so when we rotate them out we take a few extra minutes to give away, throw away, or store the excess. We try to pay attention to what our kids gravitate towards for independent play, and then sprinkle in some “new” things each rotation. When toys get rotated out they are either trashed (happy meal toys, broken toys, etc), donated (toys that have been outgrown, are annoying to me, or are not played with much), or sent on “vacation” (sent to my closet until it is time for them to be put into rotation again).

A big thing we do to eliminate the overwhelm when we walk through our door with a carload of presents Christmas night is to make room for the new things before they physically invade our space. That means that at least half the playroom cubbies (4 of 8) will be empty. This well-timed purge helps us keep our sanity around here.

Step 2: Communicating with Gift Givers

As mentioned above, we have gift-givers of all types surrounding us. Some take direction from us better than others. I really wouldn’t change anything about it. We get what we need/really want from those who like to ask and we get unexpected surprises from those who find more joy in going out and finding treasures for our kids. We have a good balance of the two. One thing we’ve made a point to do with everyone is to explain that we don’t like a lot of toys out for the kids because we don’t have a lot of space. We also keep a running list of needs/wants that we can reference when someone asks what they can give to our kids.

Step 3: Accepting Differences

One thing I’ve learned is that you really cannot change someones giving habits, but you can change your mindset around it. Instead of letting it drive me crazy when they got a new annoyingly loud toy or an excess of gifts I am thankful that they are so loved by so many people. And really, I wouldn’t want to take away the joy those people get from giving to our kids. I used to fight it, but now I know that we have a toy rotation and purging system to rely on to keep our house in order.

Step 4: Practicing What We Preach

We practice restraint when it comes to giving to our kids. Santa brings one gift from their list (which I unashamedly will influence if necessary), and they get a few small gifts from us (mostly books and needed things). Stockings may have a couple of treats, but are mostly filled with things they need. Last year it was floss and water bottles, this year it’s socks and underwear.

Here’s the FULL list of what the kids are getting from us this year:

Edie:

• Santa - Skateboard (and the requisite safety equipment for said skateboard)

• A couple of chapter books

• An animal encyclopedia

• A unicorn piggy bank

• Stocking - a book light, socks, underwear

August

• Santa - a little coding robot toy

• A storybook about Neil Armstrong

• A science encyclopedia

• New shoes

• Stocking - a coin bank he can build himself, socks, underwear

Leo

• Santa - a balance bike

• A small new toy

• A new board book

• Stocking - an activity book, training scissors

We also got a small pack of play doh tools to split between the three stockings.

Step 5: A Post-Christmas Assessment/Purge

While we do our best to plan for the influx of new things in Step 1, it’s helpful to take a step back and reassess things when it is all physically in our space. We know some of the gifts they are getting, but not all of them, so once we get it all out of the car and get the kids to bed on Christmas night, we find a place for everything, and if it doesn’t have a place it gets put on vacation to be rotated in during the next playroom purge.

Tips for Success:

1. Lose the guilt about donating toys.

   I used to feel so guilty about donating things given to our kids from family and close friends. I can remember who gave us each toy, and felt like I was betraying them if said toy was donated. Communicating with our gift givers has eased a lot of that guilt. People know that we keep minimal toys, so they don’t come to our house expecting to see a museum of every toy they’ve ever given us.

2. If donating toys makes you nervous, put them in a trial area.

   I used to get scared that my kids would ask for a specific toy the day after I dropped it off at the donation center. Our old system involved putting toys into the donation box and only donating them if they were not asked for for a specific amount of time. As it turns out, only one toy has ever been asked for after putting it in the donation pile. I told said kid that toy was on “vacation” and would be coming out to play in the next rotation, but it turns out that it was forgotten after that and so it got donated anyway. Our kids know that toys get rotated, so they don’t even ask about specific toys anymore. That is a bonus of being open with them about not needing everything we own out and available all the time.

3. Not all of the new toys have to be put out at once

   Last year a close friend of mine took the majority of her kids newly acquired Christmas toys and hid them. She doled them out slowly over the course of the year which made them more exciting than if they were all lumped into one new pile in the beginning. I’m keeping this in mind to try this year.

4. Get your kids involved little by little.

   When I do a big purge, I do it alone. Nothing is more precious to a child than the toy previously discarded in the back of the closet that gets put into the “donate” pile. That being said, I do think it’s important to teach the kids about giving to those who are not as lucky as them, getting rid of excess, and recognizing when a previously loved toy has been outgrown. We do this in different ways, but finding an age appropriate way to teach them these things is important to us. It can be as simple as “you have 15 cars, can you pick __ cars to give to a little boy who doesn’t have any cars”?

5. Adapt the above to work for your family.

   I’m not even going to pretend that what we do is perfect for every family out there. It is what works for us right now, and nothing more. Take the above and tweak it to work for your family. Take baby steps. We’ve been purging and rotating toys for years, so don’t expect to be able to seamlessly implement everything in a single night.

Diary of a Girl Just Trying to Survive Workouts with Her Husband: Day 2

Today was not what I expected. I was sure that every movement would be painful, and was a little worried about how I was going to lift my 30 lb "baby" all day today, or push a double stroller with 70 lbs of kid in it to the school.  I'm definitely sore, but not as bad as I usually am when I step into working out after a long break. Not sure why, but I'm rolling with it.

I surprised myself by downloading an ap recommended by one of my mom friends. It's called 30 Day Fitness Challenge, and it has a whole bunch of workouts at varying fitness levels. Rumor has it that soreness is actually worse 2 days after your workout, but that moving more can reduce it. I've also been told that the more we work out, the better we will feel while we work out. I'm skeptical, but gave it a try anyway.

I set L in his highchair with a bowl of yogurt and knocked out a quick workout in the playroom while he ate. Don't be too impressed, it took less than 5 minutes. I was feeling pretty good about my decisions, until I walked back into the kitchen to check on that sweet baby. He had finished his yogurt, was wearing the bowl as a hat and had yogurt EVERYWHERE. 

Turns out that 5 minutes is too long to leave him unattended, even if he's strapped in his high chair. Lesson learned.

Seeing as a good ol' wipe-down in the sink was not going to take care of the greek yogurt hair situation we had going on, we did bath time a little earlier than planned today.  At least he's cute.

Diary of a Girl Just Trying to Survive Workouts with Her Husband

Day 1 (and maybe the last day):

Today my friend Abby, who is a personal trainer, came over to whip Alex and me into shape. My sweet husband thought it would be a good idea to do this regularly together.  You know, endorphins, bonding, getting fit, the whole 9. Admittedly I played no part in setting it all up.  I don't hate working out, but I've never been one to seek it out.

Day 1 was brutal. I have never really worked out regularly. Like, ever. Every few years I get an itch to make fitness a regular part of my life, but it usually only lasts a month or so. In all seriousness, it's been over a year since I did anything I could call a workout.

Today kicked my butt. I'm not in pain yet, but my arms and legs have that jelly-like feeling warning me that tomorrow it's going to hurt to lift my water glass or sit on the toilet. I'm just thankful that I won't have to navigate stairs in the next couple of days.

My workout victory was that after finishing our workout I really wanted to take a quick jog around the block to as a finale to the evening. It turns out that my brain was just a bit optimistic about my actual fitness ability, so a quick jog to the end of the street and back was all I could actually muster up physically. I still call it a win.

Post workout snacks were pretty typical to Alex and my relationship. I had a giant chocolate milkshake, and he had strawberries with whipped cream. It's possible that one of us is taking this whole thing more seriously.

Abby came to our house, which makes it pretty hard for me to make excuses to get out of it. I literally just have to lace up my shoes, walk outside, and do what she tells me to. That's probably exactly what I need to make this more of a habit and less just one of those things on my list of things I should be doing. The less effort, thought and planning that I need to put into the pre-workout timeframe, the better.

All that said, I'm glad to take the first step and I'm optimistic that this setup will work out for the long term. My goals are to be a little more toned, to have more energy, and to be able to endlessly chase the #tinywagners around.

We're not scheduled for another session until next week, but I'll update with the state of my aching muscles and whether or not we actually do the workout we planned to do between sessions.

Playroom Re-do

This little house of ours is constantly evolving. We've got a never ending list of spaces we want to re-work. Our goal each year is to tackle one or two. The playroom is one that always gets kicked to the top of the list when the kids outgrow our current configuration, or when it just gets out of control and starts driving us crazy. 

I've lost track of the number of times we've re-done the playroom. We rotate toys every few months, but we've also made big changes at least a handful of times. It's about that time again so we've started planning the upcoming version of the playroom.

Goals:

• Encourage more independent reading
• Encourage more imaginative play and creativity
• Eliminate age inappropriate toys, and minimize the number of toys that stay out.
• Freshen everything up so that it all seems new again.
• Make the view from the main part of the house less busy.

Current Playroom:

Because of the age differences in our kiddos, we have more toys out right now than we've had out in years. This causes a lot of problems: 

1. The kids get overwhelmed and just dump things out instead of playing
2. They don't touch half the stuff at all which just causes visual clutter (not good for anyone)
3. It makes it harder for them to completely clean up independently

We struggled with figuring out what to put out for each kid, and what they would use the most, but I've spent the past month really paying attention to what they gravitate towards and which toys/types of toys get the most use. I feel like I'm ready to get rid of 75% (or more) of what is currently in the playroom.

I also like to have things in our playroom that encourage them to really move. Since it's 1,000 degrees out these days, I need a way for them to burn off a little energy indoors. Right now, we have a slide out for Leo, but he mastered it months ago so I think we can remove that visual clutter and replace it with something else.

We lack a vertical surface for them to play on. We moved the chalkboard out a while ago (chalk-dust problems), and never replaced it with anything. 

The Plan:

Eliminate two areas of toys completely:

Right now we've got a low shelf dedicated to Leo and a play-kitchen we pulled out for one last hurrah. The plan is to get rid of both of those completely. This should eliminate a lot of little pieces that end up spread all over the floor as the day goes on.

I should note that toy clean-out was already underway when these photos were taken.  The shelf normally has baskets of Leo toys in it.

Re-arrange the configuration:

When you peak into the playroom area from the main part of the house, you see our main shelf unit. This hasn't really bothered me much, but it is kind of busy looking so I'd like to move it to a less visible wall.

We'll putting in a new toy/piece of furniture/amazing little thing that I'm super excited about to take up the space on the main wall. It will be a lot less cluttered to the eye as you scan our house. Yes, you'll have to wait until I reveal the playroom to see what it is.

Carefully select toys for shelving unit:

Like I mentioned, I've been watching the kids play for a month now to see what toys really get played with.  The big kids love anything they can build with and figures that they can play in those creations with.

Leo loves balls and cars (typical boy), and also enjoys a good ol' dump and fill activity. He also enjoys a variety of smaller activities that I'll be rotating through

Add in missing features:

We used to have forward facing bookshelves (the kids read so much more when the books are displayed like that) and a vertical work surface for the kids, but they got eliminated in previous versions of the playroom. We're binging them back!

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We'll be transforming the playroom while the kids sleep within the next couple of days, so I'll post the updated space next week!

Dear Ms. Allenspach,

First day of Kindergarten.

Dear Ms. Allenspach,

Today is E's last day of Kindergarten. I still remember the first day like it was yesterday. Walking her into your classroom knowing that you would officially have more waking hours with her than I would each school day. It was a hard transition for me, but for her it was nothing, and that's because of you.

When we received our teacher assignment at the end of last summer, I had no idea what an amazing match you would be for our sweet E. I hoped and prayed that her Kindergarten year would be magical and would set her up for success in years to come, but I had no idea it would be as good as it was. 

We're really lucky. E is a great kid and she has always shown a love for school and learning, but we saw her flourish this year and we know that a big part of that was the impact that you had on her. 

We're grateful for so many things. We're grateful she was loved and safe in your classroom and that we could hand her over to you each day without worry. We're grateful that you challenged her and that you pushed her with extra responsibilities when it was clear that she could handle it. We're grateful that you nourished her love for learning. There are countless days that she came home asking me questions and wanting me to look things up for her. We're grateful you managed to grow her love for school. It's safe to say she loves it more today than the first day she walked into your classroom (and I didn't think it was possible for her to love school any more than she already did).

Thank you for everything you taught her. Thank you for dedicating your days to teaching and molding these little people into better humans. Thank you for the wonderful memories you gave her this year.  

Today sweet E is sick and had to miss her official last day of school. She was devastated when I told her she would not be going today. It was not because she thought she was missing out on a fun day, it was not because she knows the last day is special, it was because it was supposed to be her last day with you. She loves you so much and you will always be a special part of her life, and ours too.

Thank you for a great year.

Kindergarten Graduation Day.

Dear Ms. Holly and Ms. Karen,

These next couple of weeks I want to honor the amazing teachers we've been lucky enough to have this year. Since today is A's last day of school, we'll start with his teachers.

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Dear Ms. Holly and Ms. Karen,

Thank you for taking such good care of our sweet boy this year. Thank you for nurturing his love for school and learning. And thank you for taking extra time and care to ensure that our boy always felt safe and loved.

Ms. Holly, a few months ago we were having a hard time at drop off.  After a few difficult days in a row, you approached me with some ideas to help make it easier for A. At your suggestion, I started arriving slightly earlier and handing L off to you so that I could put all my attention on A as we watched the fish get fed and I sent him off into your classroom. You knew that my sweet boy just needed a little extra mommy time to help him through a tough stage, and you were right.

Ms. Karen, just this week I had to drop A off a little late. He missed chapel to attend his sister's Kindergarten Graduation. It was all ok until he realized it was the chapel where his birthday was celebrated. One quick mention to you letting you know he was sad about not being there was all it took for you to ensure he still felt celebrated that day.

These are just two examples of many where you both showed how much you truly care for the children in your classroom. There are so many times when you went above and beyond to ensure our boy felt loved and taken care of while at school.

Thank you for that, and for teaching him so well. I love hearing him sing the sounds that the letters make or tell me all about how stars are big balls of gas. You have given him a solid foundation that will help him flourish in his Pre-K year. 

We feel so lucky to have been a part of your class.

Thank you for everything.

First day of school --> Last day of school.

What It's Like to Raise 3 Littles

I recently sat down with a close friend and we confided in each other about how hard having 3 kids can be sometimes.  Specifically, how hard it is right now. Both of our babies, though totally different ages, are suddenly unable to be contained.  We also are both entering a fun phase where the kid we've always been able to depend on to listen and help is suddenly doing the opposite. 

She told me she feels like a new mom all over again, and that she's suddenly completely overwhelmed. A lot of days, I feel the exact same way.

Parenting is hard. Just when you've got one phase figured out with your child, they enter into a new one. When you have 3 kiddos the number of phases and transitions that you have to navigate seems to grow exponentially.

With 3 kids it feels like they are perpetually tagging each other in to be the difficult one.  It is a rare day to have all three at their best for more than a moment. There's always someone who's not sleeping well, someone who's whiney or clingy ALL. DAY. LONG, someone who has decided to replace their sweet selves with their not-so-sweet alter ego.

Then there's the control that you lose. With one kid it's relatively easy to establish and stick to routines, monitor everything they're watching and doing, feed them all the healthy things and none of the junk, and constantly be there with educational activities that nurture their development.  All this while staying relatively on top of your game when it comes to house work and life outside of motherhood. With two it is still very possible, though it all requires more planning and forethought.  With three it's just downright impossible.  Or maybe it is possible, but you will probably be a ball of stress and anxiety trying to control it all while never leaving your house or seeing people from the outside world.

With three you have to adjust constantly. You have to be able to give up control to some things completely, and learn to adjust your expectations on things that are really important to you. 

I very rarely ever woke my first born up when she was sleeping. I NEVER woke her up twice in one week.  My third born gets woken up from at least one nap EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. As someone who makes sleep a top priority for my littles this used to eat away at me. I know how important sleep is. I know that kiddos need to get enough good quality sleep if we want them to develop and grow and learn and flourish to their fullest potential. Plus, they can be complete monsters when they haven't had enough of those precious Z's and I'm not all about making that a regular thing. Everyone has heard the phrase "never wake a sleeping baby" and here I am doing it over and over and over again. 

But that's the thing about having three kids. You can't have the same expectations (for them, or yourself) as you had with the first, or even the second. You have to bend if you don't want to break.

So yes, I wake my sweet "L" up every day from at least one nap, sometimes both of his naps (gasp!). I sacrifice his daytime sleep so that I can pick up my other kids from school, or watch them score a goal at their soccer game, or do something spontaneous and fun, or just to meet up for a park playdate because I need to see a friendly adult face and talk about how hard this parenting thing can be.  And you know what? He's perfectly fine, and so am I.  He gets his required sleep in, it's just not in the way I would prefer, not the same way that "E" and "A" did.  

A stranger the other day told me that they had 5 kids.  When I looked at them in awe, they laughed and said that after three it's easy to add more.  You have to give up so much control when you have your third that it's just adding another body to the chaos after that. As soon as the words came out of their mouth, I started nodding because I could see the truth in it.

In the words of Jim Gaffigan:  "You know what it's like having a fourth kid? Imagine you're drowning, then someone hands you a baby." 

You know what, I wouldn't change a single thing about it.  Sure, sometimes I spend time alone with my oldest and think about how easy life would be if she was an only child, but the truth is that when I imaging our family in 5 years, or 10 years or 20 I cannot imagine only having one child. All of this hard work, all of the sacrifices, all of the days when I feel like I'm drowning are totally and completely worth it because one day it won't be so hard.

So to all of my fellow mammas (and daddies) of three or more; I know that it's hard, and sometimes you feel like you are drowning, but you're not alone.  It will get better, and then it will probably get worse, and then it will get better again, but that's kind of how this whole parenting thing goes.

And to those of you who feel overwhelmed with one or two, well that's normal too. Parenthood has it's challenges at every single stage. 

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*** the photos in this post were taken by the very talented Hannah Key with The Freckled Key Photography.

My Mother's Day Card Replacement

This morning I got to sleep in, all three kids were brought in for Mother's Day snuggles and then I got coffee and a cinnamon roll in bed by myself (a quiet breakfast and time to enjoy a cup of coffee before it needs to be reheated is heaven on earth for me).  When I emerged from the bedroom the breakfast room table was covered in Mother's day goodies from the kids and from Alex. 

Instead of a card, Alex opened his laptop to reveal a letter he had written from a fictitious "Motherhood Inc." It's just too good not to share. 

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Congratulations and Welcome!

We are so happy you have decided to join us here at Motherhood Inc. As you know, we are a large
organization but we always looking for new members.

By this point, you should have already received your ID. In case you have not, it is the possessive of your child’s first name followed by “mom”; For example, “Edie’s Mom”, “Augusts’ Mom”, “Leo’s Mom”, etcetera. We don’t stand on formality here and our member’s do not have the best memories, so you may also be referred to as “Oh heeey”!

Now then, when you get back to your desk, things should actually begin to look pretty familiar. It’s your house. That’s your desk. Your desk is your house. It comes with everything you need but, keep an eye out because supplies tend to run out exactly when you need them, and we do not stock extras of anything (except for bouncy balls. Those are everywhere).

During your first few days here, things are going to get a little weird. Your main task will be to have a blind and fussy, albeit adorable, tiny human suck ‘milk’ out of your body. You will also come into frequent contact with their ‘poo poo’ and their ‘pee pee’. Don’t worry though, chances are you will have a spouse or partner that will be able to help. They are not a part of our organization, however, and so we cannot attest to their abilities. Also, for awhile, and for purely scientific reason, you may “hate their face”.

Moving on, the weird stage will not last too long and your charge will soon begin their mobile exploration of your desk. This will be a challenging time because your charge will continually attempt hari-kari in the oddest of locations and circumstances. This is normal. Just do your best.

At this point, you may also find the need to reach out more frequently to other members of our organization and they are happy to hear from you! Desk meetings are encouraged, as they do not require anyone to alter their appearance. You may, at times, however, find it difficult to see another member face-to-face. In this case, please take advantage of our free indirect communication network, Instagram®. This is a great service and is the next best thing to seeing your co-workers because it shows them and their desks exactly how they always look, at any time, and in all kinds of lighting. It’s also a great way to measure your performance within the organization!

Some of you may choose to take on a leadership role and agree to an additional charge, at which point new members may ask you for advice on all sorts of topics. On such occasions, it is expected you smile knowingly and dispense verbal pats on the head while your two charges attempt to kill each other, themselves, or both.

Having two charges will actually take some of the pressure off of you. You can have charge 1 look after charge 2; you can force both charges to play with each-other; you can motivate charge 1 by asking them to be more like charge 2 and vice versa. It’s great.

Now, at this point you may be wondering, “when do I go to the bathroom?”

Moving on, some of you will take on the additional responsibility of a third charge. This is thrilling because it means that the first two worked out great! Or they were the same gender! Either, way . . . slow clap for you. That being said, most people will assume you accidentally had intercourse with your spouse or partner and will ask you directly if that is the case. Upon answering this question, many of our members choose to demurely respond that charge 3 was indeed ‘on purpose’. However, feel free to quiver your lip, respond ‘yes’! and break down in tears. They deserve a bit of awkwardness for such a question and YOU deserve a little fun.

It should be noted that some members choose to name their charges. We find this helpful for identification purposes, bonding, self-confidence, and so on and so forth. In the past, names were fairly traditional and often Biblical in nature. However, if you have chosen to join our organization recently you are in luck because now you can name your charges anything you want! Seriously, you can name them anything.

There is a lot more we could cover, but they best way to learn is by doing. So get in there! It will be difficult, of course. You will be shocked at how many questions to which you apparently are unable to say “I don’t know” (this really is odd because it seems like if we answered “I don’t know to the first fifteen questions they would just give up). But, just remember. We’re here for you while you do the most important job in the world.

See you at the mixer!

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I mean, my husband gets me.  I hope all you moms out there enjoyed it as much as I did!

Such a Beautiful Life

I’m a little late posting this week. To be honest, it has been hard to find the words.  Words that do justice in honoring such an amazing person. The world lost an amazing, loving, sassy, smart, tough, beautiful woman last week. She taught me so many things that it’s hard to list them all.

I remember spending time with her as a kid, sitting at the breakfast room table learning everything from how to color, to how to read, to how to speak Spanish.  She helped me with my homework and cooked delicious meals.  There was always dessert. As I got older I remember the joy I would feel coming home from high school on the days she was there cooking dinner. The wonderful smells. There’s nothing like walking into a house where someone has been cooking a delicious meal. Feeding people good food was one way she showed her love. We ate a lot of good food together.

In my college years I had a tradition of calling her every Wednesday on my walk home from class.  She loved hearing about the small stuff and was always telling me I needed to eat more. When I met the love of my life and started bringing him to her house, she would fix him special plates of food. It was the same delicious food we all ate, just plated in a way I only saw her do for him. I’m grateful for the special bond they had, always splitting a beer at family get-togethers.

She taught me how to sew. I remember working on cross-stitch pieces with her as a kid.  She was so meticulous and taught me that the back of a piece should be almost as beautiful as the front. She was always working with her hands and I loved showing her things that I had created with mine. She always took them in with such pride, knowing that she had given me the solid base to explore those arts.

There are things about her that I will always be in awe about.  She was always impeccably dressed, her home was always in order, there were never dirty dishes in the sink, and she had a very green thumb.  She was one of the few people in Houston, Texas that could successfully grow hydrangeas in a flowerbed outside through the relentless summer heat, and some crazy freezes.  Hydrangeas that are now so stunning that they literally took my breath away the first time I walked up to her house after her death.

I have a handful of friends that really took the time to sit and speak with her at a party or a shower.  She never stopped asking about them.  Some of them she hadn’t seen in 8 years, but she still wanted updates on who was getting married, who had children, what their names were and how they were all doing. She found so much joy in those friend’s engagement and pregnancy announcements.

As I flipped through my recent photos of her this week, the overwhelming majority were of her loving on and holding my children. She loved them beyond measure, and in true Nana form was always sneaking them snacks and treats.  If grandparents can get away with just about anything when it comes to spoiling their grandchildren, great-grandparents are untouchable.

It’s been a long, hard week but today I’m grateful. Grateful that such an amazing human impacted my life, grateful for all the time we got to spend together, grateful for every single thing she ever taught me.  I’m grateful for the 96.5 years that she graced this earth, that she never lost her spunk, and that when it was her time to go she was surrounded by family. Family was the single most important thing to her, and the thing that brought her the most pride and joy, so it’s only fitting.

The matriarch of our family is now gone.  Her presence is noticeably missing, but in its place she left us memories and reminders of a life well lived.

Nana, I love you so much.

It's Food Allergy Awareness Month!

May is food allergy awareness month, so it's only fitting that today's post is about just that.

I feel lucky that my kiddos are food allergy free. More than half of the families that I routinely spend time with have a child with some kind of food allergy. If that is the case for me, then I bet that you've got a friend or two in your circle that is dealing with kiddos with food allergies too.  

Today I'm honored to have a mom I highly respect share her story and a few things to keep in mind when you interact with a kiddo who has food allergies. Liz is a mom of two sweet boys, one of whom happens to have some pretty severe allergies to some really common foods.  Below she shares a little about what that's like and what she wants you to keep in mind when you inevitably encounter a kiddo who suffers from food allergies.  

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Allergies. We all have them in some form or another: dogs, cats, a variety of pollens. It's our
body's response to a perceived intruder as a way to try to remove it from your system. In my
family, our allergy happens to be food. My almost 3 year old son was diagnosed with life
threatening food allergies when he was only 9 months old. He is severely allergic to dairy, eggs,
peanuts, tree nuts, and oats and the only way to prevent a reaction is to avoid these foods
entirely. Not only is he unable to eat them, but in several cases it means he cannot touch or even
breathe in these foods.

When we inform others that our son has severe food allergies, they initially react in exactly the same way. They have a look of shock on their faces, they hesitate their words, and you can see them collecting their thoughts, unsure of what to say next. This happens to people of all ages and backgrounds and it’s understandable, because learning that a person can potentially die from a food that you love so dearly is a lot to process. The thing that differs in people’s reactions though, is how they proceed once they have had time to process that information. Most conversations go something like this:

Them: What is he allergic to?

Me: Dairy, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts and oats

Them: So he can’t eat ice cream? Not even a little?

Me: No ice cream. No cake or cookies or most baked goods either. Not even a drop.

They stare at me in disbelief and finally say, “Oh man that’s awful. So what CAN he eat??” as if baked goods and a glass of milk are the only foods they themselves ever eat.

I always do my best to answer politely and focus on all the wonderful foods he’s able to eat: meat, fruits, veggies, potatoes, beans, and grains. But I always find myself having to reassure them that his life isn’t really all that deprived and that he in fact does get some wonderful meals in his tummy each day. Ask him what his favorite food is and he will inevitably answer with an enthusiastic “STEAK!” or “BBQ!!” which truthfully isn’t too far off from what several of you might answer.

Recently though, I’ve been getting a new type of reaction to the news that my son has food allergies. There was a group gathering and somebody had a chocolate bunny leftover from Easter and she was breaking off pieces to share with the others. She asked my son if he would like a piece and I had to step in and decline for him because of his food allergies.

Her: He’s allergic to chocolate?

Me: Not chocolate, but he’s allergic to milk, which is in the chocolate.

Her: What happens when he eats it?

Me: Well, if he touches the chocolate, or you touch him with chocolate on your hands, he will break out into a rash called hives. It’s very itchy and uncomfortable. If he accidentally eats some of it, he could get very sick and go into anaphylactic shock, which could cause his face, throat, and tongue to swell. He could start wheeze and have trouble breathing and we would have to give him an epipen and call an ambulance to get him to the hospital right away.

Her (almost instantly): Oh. Well then I should put this away and go wash my hands!

These two conversations are actual encounters I’ve had in the last week. The difference is that the defensive response came from an adult, and the kind and compassionate response came from a seven year old child.

As adults, many of us seem to have lost a bit of the natural compassion that we had as children. When we requested that our son’s classroom be a Nut-Free classroom (aka, no peanut butter sandwiches) a father from that class approached me and told me how inconvenient that was for him. Apparently his 1.5 year old adored a good PB & J and the thought of denying her that meal at lunch on weekdays was more than he could bear. Never mind that I had even provided each student in the class with a jar of a nut free “peanut butter” that they could try as a safe alternative. His defensive reaction took me by such surprise that I found myself apologizing to him rather than confidently defending the safety of my son. I’ve heard horror stories of fellow passengers on a flight not willing to put away their trail mix for the safety of another. One man was quoted saying “If it’s really that dangerous, just don’t fly.” As a parent of a food allergic child, I would like to counter this man by saying, “If you’re really that hungry, just eat something else.” Right? That doesn’t seem like too huge of a request if it could prevent somebody from being in a life threatening situation, does it? Why does asking somebody to temporarily change their food choice seem to offend so many adults? When did food become more important than a person?

As our son is getting older and starting to have more social encounters with other children, I’ve found that I’m having more direct conversations with children and not just their parents. Not once have I had a kid get defensive when I request that they not eat their Cheetos while they play with my son because cheese powder will get all over the things they touch and it might cause him to have a reaction. Kids don’t see it as an imposition against themselves, as if we’re trying to take away their precious snack food. They hear that another person might get sick or hurt if they eat that food around them, so without hesitation they stop. Children don’t seem to be burdened with animosity towards others. They have big hearts, and understanding minds and in an instant they are willing to help a fellow person, however odd the request for help might seem.

A person who suffers from severe food allergies is not asking you to put away your food as a way to inconvenience you. Instead, they are asking you to help them be safe. In most cases we are literally talking about life and death for that person. Not all situations are avoidable in life. People have to travel for work and fly on a plane, and children have to go to school. There are birthday parties and sporting events and holiday meals to celebrate. They cannot live in an allergy free bubble for their entire lives, so instead they have to fend for themselves the best way they can. That means a peanut allergic Little League player may ask you to please eat your peanuts away from the dugout, or a dairy allergic 4 year old may request that the classroom not allow Pirates Booty at the class party so she can avoid touching and breathing in cheese dust. Maybe you’ll need to change your famous mashed potato recipe to use vegan butter instead of real butter. But isn’t it worth it for that child to be included? It seems like such a small favor to ask so they too can enjoy the everyday treats you and I get to take for granted.

Of course, not every experience we’ve had with friends and family learning about his food allergies have been negative. A family we recently befriended invited us over for dinner one night. They were aware of his allergies, but I was planning to bring food from home for our son so they wouldn’t have to stress over what to cook for him. Before I got the chance to tell her my plan, she was already telling me about the ingredients of her meal and making sure what she was serving was safe for him. Another family invited my kids over for a morning play date. She had fruit and pastries for the kids and even went to the extra effort to bake some special muffins just for my son so he could have a treat too. All of this was an unexpected surprise that we never requested. To them it was a small gesture of giving, letting us know they support our limitations and are willing to help us in our journey. To us, it was a tear-inducing dream come true to find somebody who not only thought about his needs, but wanted him to be included the way they would want their own child to be included. Simply asking how they can accommodate his needs means more to our family than I can express.

My purpose for writing this is not to sound bitter about the cards life has dealt my son, or make you feel guilty for enjoying all the edible perks that life has to offer. But I do hope it can give you some perspective on how to react the next time you meet a person with food allergies, specifically a child. They say that currently 1 in 13 children today have food allergies. This means if you have young children, it’s likely that you will have a classmate someday who is affected by food allergies. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you meet these kids and their families and associate with them on a regular basis:

1. Approach your conversation with compassion in mind rather than putting them on the defense. Understand that being unable to eat certain foods doesn’t make a person deprived. It’s just the way life is for them. You wouldn’t feel left out if a group of people were sitting down to a tall glass of bug spray to go with their dessert. It’s just not something you do in life, similar to how dairy milk isn’t something my son can enjoy.

2. Ask questions! We love questions and we know you have them, so please feel free to ask. Asking questions shows us that you’re aware of the situation and willing to put forth the effort to learn more about it. But please don’t focus on the CAN’Ts. Focus on the CANs. Ask, “What’s your favorite dessert?” instead of “So you can’t even eat ice cream or cake?”

3. Please don’t be offended if you explain to somebody all the steps you have taken to make their child safe, but they still deny attending your event. I promise we want to attend, but sometimes we just can’t. It’s unsafe for our son to visit an indoor party venue where they serve pizza and chips and cake. Kids eat their food and run off to play, leaving invisible fingerprints with food proteins behind, just waiting for my son to unknowingly touch. There are simply places he is unable to go, no matter the precautions taken.

4. On that note, please, please, please don’t assume that the parent of a food allergic child is being over protective or a bit neurotic about their child. Until you have witnessed your kid start to wheeze and break out in hives from simply entering a coffee shop and breathing in steamed milk, you won’t fully understand the sensitivity of a food allergy. And that’s ok. But please don’t whisper behind our backs about how we’re putting our child in a bubble. We can hear you. But what other option do we have?

5. Are you the Homeroom Parent or Team Mom? Ask the class if anybody has food allergies. If they do, maybe plan a Popsicle Party instead of an Ice Cream Social this year. Or pack some popcorn in the post-game snack bag instead of Doritos. It’s likely that the kids won’t even realize the switch and they might enjoy the excitement of getting their favorite color as the popsicles are being passed out.

Kids and adults with severe food allergies are able and encouraged to lead normal, social lives. My hope is that as my son gets older, things will become easier for us to navigate and he’ll be able to do more with friends without us having to worry about what foods might be present. To get to this point though, food allergy families need a little help from their community. Awareness is the first step to keeping these kids safe. Hopefully as more people become knowledgeable about the real impacts of food allergies, compassion and understanding will follow, just like the conversation I had with the little girl and the Easter chocolate. Once she realized the harm it could cause, she took the easy step of washing her hands with soap and water to help keep him safe and allow him to play with her and the rest of the kids on the block. It just takes one person who understands to make the day of somebody who can so easily be excluded. And just think, the more we look out for each other in a community, the more fun we can all have.

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Be sure to leave some love for Liz down in the comments!

A Day at the Spa

I’m a pretty simple person. I don’t require a lot of primping and pampering. I’m not a regular for facials, massages, or even manicures.  In fact, up until yesterday, the first and only time I ever had a facial was in the months leading up to my wedding 8 years ago.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to use a spa package gift certificate that was gifted to me by my in-laws for Mother’s Day last year (yes, 11 months after receiving it - because I'm a mom and who has time for this stuff??).  It was just my mother-in-law and me (my sister-in-law had to cancel last minute) and she’s not a frequent flier in the spa scene either.  While I was so excited for a morning of kid-free pampering, I was also a little anxious and uncomfortable because I just never know what to do in these situations.  Thankfully, my mother-in-law confided that she also gets a little uncomfortable for the same reasons, so I knew I was in good company. 

After checking in and receiving our itinerary for the morning (facial, manicure, and then lunch out on a terrace), we were lead to the women’s locker room where we were shown our assigned lockers and given robes to change into.  The actual thought going through my mind in that moment, “great, 5 minutes in and I’m already confused.”  I know that when you get a massage you change into a robe, although I always put way too much thought into how much clothing, if any, I need to keep on under there.  Why in the world do I need a robe if I’m getting a facial and a manicure?  And exactly what can I, or should I, keep on under that robe? I decided that it would be appropriate to keep on my unmentionables and a tank top since all I was getting was a facial, so that’s what I did.

Once we were robed up we went upstairs to enjoy the dim lighting, soothing music and spa refreshments while we waited for our facials.  Every single woman (and the one man) was wearing a robe, so I was immediately glad that I wasn’t up there in my leisurewear, although still confused as to why the robe was required. Perhaps it's supposed to make you feel more relaxed?  Clearly it was doing the opposite for me. 

Before long, service providers where coming through the waiting area softly calling peoples names and escorting them away. Again, I was super awkward.  I could not concentrate on the conversation I was having and was waiting to be called like I was being picked for a grade-school dodge ball team or something. Again I was thankful to my mother in law for voicing the same sentiments and reminding me I was not alone in this. Also, everyone was speaking in hushed tones and 90% had accents. This combination made it really difficult to understand what anyone was saying without putting some effort into it.

My esthetician came and scooped me up reaching her hand out to shake mine as I was trying to get my unruly hair into a bun in preparation for my facial.  Again, awkward.  I managed to make decent small talk as she lead me back to my room where she pointed out the towel she wanted me to change into and the table I would be lying on for my facial.  As soon as she closed the door I hung up my robe, wrapped the towel around me and sat on the table forgetting whether I was supposed to be laying down under the covers when she came in. I blanked out during her directions because I was suddenly regretting my decision to leave a tank top, or even a bra on, and then again confused as to why so little clothing was required for my facial. Should I take them off now?? I was also feeling rushed, because I wanted to be ready when she came in and while I knew logically that she would leave me plenty of time to get settled, I always have a fear in these situations that they will walk in before I’m quite ready for them.  I decided I would lie down under the covers and suddenly remembered that I was supposed to remove all of my jewelry.  Oh well, can’t get up now.  Definitely don’t have time for that. 

A minute or two later, I hear a light knock (am I supposed to answer??) as she came back into the room.  Her eye caught the straps of my tank top, and she asked me to pull them down because she would be massaging my shoulders.  Of course, all signs pointed to naked for facial and I just wasn’t picking up on them.  I’ll just mark that down as a lesson learned and now I’ll know better for next time.  The next five minutes were full of more awkwardness as I tried to fix the strap situation gracefully, fielded questions about what skincare products I use (like the brand, or just in general?), and had the dim-lighting interrupted by a giant magnifying glass surrounded by the brightest lights ever pulled over my face.  Let me just say, that can’t be flattering for anyone.

We decided on a specific facial that she recommended and I was finally able to relax as she started covering my skin with lotions and potions.  It all went smoothly with the exception of the peel she did that I was not expecting (did I mention the soft voices and accents)? Also, the tingling she warned me about was more of a burning and fizzing. I guess that means it was working? Once the hour was up, she handed me a mirror so that I could see the results (I was just relieved the burning and fizzing hadn’t left my face red), and told me she would get some water for me while I changed back into my robe.  Wait, do I come out or are you coming back to get me??  I got back into my robe, slipped on the slippers and gently pushed the door open relieved that she was standing there waiting with a glass of water and that I had read the situation correctly for the first time.

I forgot to mention that I had arrived at the spa with a coffee and had been toting it around with me this whole time.  Now finished with it, I was awkwardly carrying it around because there are no trashcans in this spa.  I guess it’s not part of the vibe they’re trying to put out.  I didn’t feel right consciously leaving it somewhere and expecting someone to magically whisk it away behind me, and I didn’t want to ask someone to throw it out for me, I just wanted to find a trashcan. I was finally awkwardly able to had it off the nice woman who did my manicure. 

Being a little more knowledgeable about getting a manicure and eating lunch (although this was my first time to do either in a robe), the rest of the morning went smoothly.  Overall it was relaxing and I really enjoyed it, but I have to laugh at myself for being so incredibly awkward when I’m being pampered. 

Can you relate?  Share your awkward spa moments below!

Taking the Leap to Having a 3rd Baby

They said we had the perfect family.  One girl, and one boy, what more could we want.  In truth, I believed that to some extent.  I was never one of those people who craved having “one of each”.  If I’m really honest, I always saw myself as a boy mom.  Having a daughter and navigating that relationship, particularly into the later years, seemed complicated.  Having only boys always seemed like it would be so much simpler, plus I’m not much of a girly-girl.  Thankfully we wound up with the coolest little girl on the planet, and I cannot wait to watch her grow up.

Before we had kids, Alex and I thought that 4 kids was the perfect number.  Then we had one.  Pregnancy was harder and less glamorous than I expected.  I rode a wave of nausea that lasted well into my 2nd trimester and never quite felt that “pregnant glow” that everyone seems to talk about.  E wasn’t a hard baby - she wasn’t colicky, she didn’t have reflux or food allergies, she was loving and sweet and such a joy- but stepping into parenthood was harder than I expected.  We decided pretty quickly that taking the whole adding kids thing one-at-a time was the way to go.  We would know when we reached our limit.

Deciding on having a 2nd baby was easy.  We both grew up with siblings and knew that we wanted that for sweet E.  I was hopeful that every pregnancy is different, but was plagued by the same nausea into my 2nd trimester. A was a harder baby.  He had reflux, and cried A LOT (particularly in the nighttime hours).  Once we made it through all of that, he was such a joy.  We had another loving, sensitive kiddo on our hands.

When our “A” was about 18 months old I was sure I wanted another baby.  Something about not having a baby in the house was sad to me, but I also had this nagging feeling that our family just wasn’t complete. My husband told me that we couldn’t just get pregnant every time our baby crossed over into toddlerhood.  I’m pretty sure he saw a future full of kids born 2.5 years apart with no end in sight.  He finally admitted to me (after months of discussing having a 3rd), that he would celebrate if I got pregnant, but that was as far as he could get.  He was stuck on the fence and couldn’t quite make the leap to the 3-baby side.  I took that and ran with it, and before we knew it I was deep in the throws of morning sickness again, wondering why I would knowingly put myself through it all again.

An interesting thing about making the leap to 3, the comments about your pregnancy change drastically.  One kid is expected and celebrated in a big way from the time you announce your pregnancy.  Everyone is offering their congratulations, you have more offers for baby showers than you need/want and post-birth meals, visits, and gifts seem endless. Baby #2 seems to be expected as well.  Still very much celebrated, just maybe a little more low-key.  Now with Baby #3, you start to get comments.  People make faces, ask inappropriate questions, and seem generally judgy.  Yes, I know how it happens; yes, we actually tried to get pregnant a 3rd time; no, this baby was not an “oops”; yes, we realize that now we’ll be outnumbered; no, we’re not crazy; yes, we’ll be able to handle it.  The big exception to that rule is anyone else who has decided to have more than 2 kids.  They are so excited to have another family join their ranks that it simultaneously comforts and terrifies you about your decision.

Now safely on the other side, I can say without a doubt that our family was not complete without “L”.  And for those of you wondering, I can also safely say that our family is officially complete.  That uncertain feeling I had after “A” about whether or not to add another #tinywagner to the mix is completely gone, and while I’m sad about the thought of not having a baby in the house, I’m also excited about watching these three little crazies grow up and love on each other.

*** the photos in this post were taken by the very talented Hannah Key with The Freckled Key Photography.

Dear Pregnant Mama,

This post was inspired by someone dear to me, but I think that it will help other mamas in the same position.  My hope is that it serves as a reminder that while things are hard right now, it is temporary and it’s ok to accept help.

Dear Pregnant Mama,

I know it’s hard to grow a human.  I’ve been there.  Three times. 

I know the feelings associated; joy, excitement, wonder, pride, worry, guilt, exhaustion, nausea, pain. 

I know your days were full before this pregnancy, and nothing has changed since.

I know your body is screaming at you to rest, but your head is telling you there are still things to do.  The baby’s room is not done, dinner is not made, there is a mountain of laundry waiting to be tackled, the kitchen is a mess, and maybe there is even a child (or 2 or 3) that needs to be cared for. 

Hear this.  If you feel tired, it’s your body saying, “Slow down and rest.”  If you’re in pain, it’s your body saying, “Kick your feet up for a little bit.”  If your husband comes home early from work, he’s silently telling you that he’s here to help and to take over anything you’re willing to give up control on. If a friend or family member asks if they can wrangle the kids for you or bring you dinner, they’re letting you know that they’re there for you and that it’s ok to lean on them.

When you’re used to doing it all yourself it’s easy to forget that you are surrounded by people who can do it for you, people who love you.  People who want nothing more than for you to rest every possible second (because they know you need it) and to let everything else fall away.

The laundry may sit in a clean, unfolded pile longer than usual.  The house may look a little messier than you’re used to.  The floors may not be mopped on your usual schedule and the vacuum may get the longest rest of its life.  The kids may eat pizza or cereal or sandwiches more than you care to admit.  The amazing thing is that life will go on and everyone will be completely fine on the other side.

Arguably, the better care you take of yourself during this time, the better it is for your whole family.  Allowing yourself grace to let things go un-done, or accept help that is offered will allow you to get the rest you need to be the best mom, wife, friend you can be right now.

I know, oh how I know, how hard it is to allow other people to help.  I know it’s hard to know that it won’t be done the way you would do it.  I know that you have guilt about adding to other's loads.

I know that if you’re already raising a child outside the womb that you’re getting a steady stream of messages about what you should be doing.  The experts can make you feel like if you don’t follow their suggestions every minute of every day you are a failure and your child will end up telling stories about you in therapy one day. The truth is that they will tell stories about you in therapy anyway, so do the best you can without killing yourself and don’t feel guilty about taking this short period in their lives to care for yourself and the baby you are growing first, and them second.

Right now you have an important job that you’re doing, and it’s important that you prioritize it both for you and for the baby that you’re carrying.  Listen to your body and put your feet up every minute that you can.  And, no that does not just mean when your older child (or children) is asleep.  That means extra screen time and independent play, it means empowering them to get their own snacks, even if it’s not the perfectly balanced one you had in mind.  It also means adding to your spouse’s load and letting them take care of everything after they walk in the door.  Yes, they’ve been working all day, but so have you and right now you need them to do this for you (as much as you don’t want to admit it).

The truth is accepting the help from your spouse will be so good for you and for your marriage.  It will show him that you trust him, that you know he’s capable, and that you know he will always take care of you in your times of need. It will also show him how hard it is to care for small children, and serve as a reminder of what you take on day in and day out.  It will remind you of all the reasons that you married this person, and remind you that he is capable of doing it all regardless of the number of days you feel like he’s just another kid around the house. 

And your kids?  How nice for them to be able to rely more heavily on Daddy, especially when you will be deep in the throws of mothering a newborn before you know it.  They will form a special bond with him that will carry them through those harder early days with a new baby.  I know that's hard to think about.  They depend on you and look to you first for so many things, but it’s a good thing.  You will always be their mom, and they won’t always favor your spouse.  It’s a cycle, they adjust to different seasons and right now you need them to go to him first.

Through it all, remember that this is such a short time in your life, just one season of many.  You feel like you’re not being the best mom, wife, or friend. You feel like a failure because you can’t do it all and do it all well.  You’re not a failure, you’re human and you’re doing the hardest job on this planet.  Growing a whole human from 2 tiny cells is not easy, and it’s not supposed to be.  But it’s temporary.  In a few short months you will be holding a whole new life in your arms and you’ll forget all about the things you didn’t do while they were growing inside of you.  I promise.

You’re doing a great job.  You’re a great mom already.  You take care of everyone’s needs, but don’t forget to take care of your own - especially now.

You are so incredibly loved.

*** the photos in this post were taken by the very talented Hannah Key with The Freckled Key Photography.

Welcome!

Hi friends, welcome to my little corner of the blogosphere (or whatever it’s called these days).  For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Nathalie.  Most people know me as a mom, and in truth of all the hats I wear that is the one that I take the most pride in.

I started this little blog as a place to write my thoughts on parenting, motherhood, relationships and life in general.  Nothing is off topic here. 

My life is a crazy, chaotic, beautiful mess and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  My husband Alex and I have created this wonderful life together and at the center of that are our three amazing children.  “E” is 6, “A” is 3.5 and “L” is 1.

For those of you wondering what you’re in for on this little blog, I can only tell you it will be real life.  I’m hopeful it will be full of beautiful images and funny stories that I will cherish looking back on, but if you’re looking for perfectly styled children, a spotless home, nightly gourmet meals, or Pinterest worthy parties you’re in the wrong spot. 

I love a good DIY project, I’m a self-proclaimed hobby addict, I enjoy making handmade gifts, I run a business while my kiddos sleep, but mostly I’m just trying to raise good human beings while keeping myself sane.

I've also surrounded myself with a tribe of amazing moms who I look up to and who inspire me daily.  My hope is to convince some of them to share their thoughts on here as well.  

I hope you stick around for a while!

*** the photo in this post was taken by the very talented Meg Ruffing.